White House concerned!
By Jeffie Pop, reporting from Washington D.C.
A South Carolina political celebrity has quite a fish story to tell. He says a gay lake monster tried to ravage his body on a private beach!
Lake Dewey is known as a popular spot for boating, fishing, and nude sunbathing, but now it’s the scene of a bizarre attack that’s left visitors shaken!
Congressman Trey Gowdy says he suffered a terrifying attack from a supposed homosexual lake monster! The sexy South Carolina gay icon was taking his usual route from Tadpole Marina to a tiny island near Lake Dewey Sunday when he felt something grab him from behind!
“I couldn’t believe it,” Gowdy said. “I turned around and there was a 20 foot creature coming toward me,” Gowdy continued. “It had its ‘Anthony Weiner’ exposed…if you know what I mean!”
Trey says he tried pushing the thing away, but it wrapped its tentacles around him and tried to remove his tiny bikini bottom.
“I fought like hell,” he said. “I’m a straight South Carolina Republican and no horny gay lake monster’s going to have his way with me! I kicked, I punched and I fought for freedom…that’s what my kind does, you know.”
He finally made it to the island and had a chance to check out his injury. A sheriff’s deputy on boat patrol then guided him back to shore where Gowdy was treated with ice.
“My backside’s a little bruised,” Gowdy said. “That lake monster was clearly gay and aroused…it was very disturbing, but I’m fine now.”
“We’re mighty proud of him, ” the sheriff said. “He’s a straight Republican hero in my book! He fought that gay lake monster…fought like hell..and thankfully survived! I have no idea why Trey was at that gay nudist beach, but we’re all thankful he’s still with us.”