White House concerned!

By Jeffie Pop, reporting from Washington D.C.

A South Carolina political celebrity has quite a fish story to tell. He says a gay lake monster tried to ravage his body on a private beach!

Lake Dewey is known as a popular spot for boating, fishing, 1gowdy-glassesand nude sunbathing, but now it’s the scene of a bizarre attack that’s left visitors shaken!

Congressman Trey Gowdy  says he suffered a terrifying attack from a supposed homosexual lake monster! The sexy South Carolina gay icon was taking his usual route from Tadpole Marina to a tiny island near Lake Dewey  Sunday when he felt something grab him from behind!

“I couldn’t believe it,” Gowdy said. “I turned around and there was a 20 foot creature coming toward me,” Gowdy continued. “It had its ‘Anthony Weiner’ exposed…if you know what I mean!”

Trey says he tried pushing the thing away, but it wrapped its tentacles around him and tried to remove his tiny bikini bottom.

“I fought like hell,” he said. “I’m a straight South Carolina Republican and no horny gay lake monster’s going to have his way with me! I kicked, I punched and I fought for freedom…that’s what my kind does, you know.”

He fa73-800x430inally made it to the island and had a chance to check out his injury. A sheriff’s deputy on boat patrol then guided him back to shore where Gowdy was treated with ice.

“My backside’s a little bruised,” Gowdy said. “That lake monster was clearly gay and aroused…it was very disturbing, but I’m fine now.”

“We’re mighty proud of him, ” the sheriff said. “He’s a straight Republican hero in my book! He fought that gay lake monster…fought like hell..and thankfully survived! I have no idea why Trey was at that gay nudist beach, but we’re all thankful he’s still with us.”

trey bowdy # 3revsun

 

 

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